The Dirtiest Sex Shirts You Can Wear Without Getting Arrested

There’s a fine line between obscene and iconic—and some t-shirts dance on it like they were born to break the rules. You know the ones. They don’t whisper “NSFW,” they scream it in bold block caps. Yet somehow, they don’t get you cuffed, banned, or booted from brunch. These are the dirtiest sex shirts you can wear without getting arrested—raw, raunchy, but technically legal.

Whether you’re shopping for shock value, testing the limits of public decency, or just here to laugh at what some people dare to wear on cotton, this list dives deep into shirts that toe the line of “obscene apparel” without crossing it (too far). From tongue-in-cheek euphemisms to shirts that dare you to react, let’s get dirty—but not detained.

🔥 Section 1: What Counts as “Obscene Apparel”? (And Why Most of These Shirts Aren’t)

  • Quick legal clarity: Most U.S. states only consider clothing “obscene” if it meets strict criteria (think public nudity, explicit visual content, or lewd conduct in sensitive spaces like schools or airports).
  • Protected speech vs. public decency: Thanks to the First Amendment, words—even the filthy ones—are generally protected unless they incite violence or disrupt peace.
  • Translation: You can absolutely wear a shirt that says “I Do Anal” at a bar. You probably can’t wear it while substitute teaching second grade.

👕 Section 2: The Top 10 Dirtiest Sex Shirts That Walk the Line (and Own It)

Each entry includes a bold shirt design, what it says, what makes it dirty, and where you can (and can’t) wear it.

1. “I Do Anal” – The Infamous Classic

  • Why it’s dirty: No euphemisms, no metaphors—just straight-up rear-entry truth.
  • Why it’s not illegal: It’s text only. No visuals. No threats. Just shock and awe.
  • Where to wear it: Vegas, sex-positive clubs, porn expos.
  • Where not to wear it: PTA meetings. TSA checkpoints.

2. “Sex Since B.C.” – Dirty, Historical, and Hilarious

  • Why it’s dirty: Suggests humanity’s ancient obsession with getting it on.
  • Why it’s genius: Combines a sex joke with historical flair. Dirty and smart.
  • Pro tip: It passes at parties where the IQ is as high as the libido.

3. “Cum Shots to the Face” – Graphic By Suggestion, Not Visuals

  • Why it shocks: Just reading it conjures vivid visuals.
  • Why it’s not banned: Still just words. Gross, sure—but not illegal.
  • Vibe: You’re either a pornstar, a comedian, or completely unbothered by judgment.

4. “Eat Pussy Not Animals” – NSFW with a Vegan Twist

  • Dirty brilliance: It’s a sex pun and a protest slogan.
  • Why it works: You can’t get arrested for advocating oral sex and ethical eating.
  • Approved for: PETA events, music festivals, vegan strip clubs.

5. “Show Me Your Dick” – Offensive? Maybe. Illegal? Nope.

  • Why it stuns: Demands exhibitionism—but in shirt form.
  • Why you’re safe: It’s not inciting an act, just making people blush.
  • Power move: Only wear it if you can out-stare anyone who tries to call you out.

6. “Vagitarian” – The Dirty Shirt That Even Grandma Might Chuckle At

  • Why it’s filthy: A play on “vegetarian,” but let’s be honest… we all know.
  • Why it flies: No curse words, no explicit instructions. Just innuendo.
  • Risk level: Low. Dirty minds only.

7. “Blow Me (It’s My Birthday)” – Consent Meets Crude

  • Why it’s legal: It’s phrased like a joke, not an order.
  • Shock value: Depends on whether you’re wearing it in a bar or the DMV.
  • Wear it when: You want everyone to buy you shots and dare you to back it up.

8. “MILF Hunter” – Internet Porn Culture on Cotton

  • Why it’s vulgar: References a whole category of smut.
  • Why you can’t get arrested: It’s a phrase from a genre. Weirdly normalized.
  • Not safe for: Anywhere with actual MILFs who don’t think you’re funny.

9. “My Pen Is Bigger Than Yours” – Wordplay for the Dirty Literate

  • Double entendre: Pens, penis—yep, we see what you did.
  • Why it works: Dirty by implication, not directness.
  • Where it kills: Writer meetups, comic cons, open mic nights.

10. “Sorry Princess, I Only Date Crack Whores” – Obscene, Offensive, But Legal

  • Why it makes jaws drop: Vulgarity turned into elitism.
  • Why you won’t get cuffed: Still just text, still protected under free speech.
  • Caution: You better have confidence (or pepper spray).

⚖️ Section 3: Legal Loopholes That Make These Shirts Wearable

  • Text ≠ nudity: As long as you’re not displaying genitals, you’re probably fine.
  • No visual porn = no legal problem: Most laws prohibit images more than they do words.
  • Intent matters: If you’re not harassing anyone and you’re in the right venue, you’re safer than you’d think.

🛒 Section 4: Where to Buy Dirty T-Shirts Without Getting Scammed

  • InVeinTShirts.com: Indie site with raunchy, legally clever shirts that push limits but don’t cross legal lines.
  • Etsy (with filters): Plenty of NSFW shops exist—but watch out for stolen designs and cheap materials.
  • Avoid: Print-on-demand sites that censor anything “adult” or refuse to ship bold designs to your country.

🧼 Section 5: Dirty But Smart—How to Style These Shirts So You Still Look Good

  • Don’t just wear it—own it. Confidence makes the difference between funny and creepy.
  • Pair with: Distressed jeans, combat boots, or layered under a leather jacket.
  • Avoid looking like a try-hard: If you’re wearing a “cum shot” tee, don’t also wear assless chaps unless you’re actually performing.

🚩 Section 6: Places Where These Shirts Are (Probably) a Bad Idea

  • Schools (duh)
  • Court appearances
  • Job interviews
  • Weddings (unless it’s your third and no one cares)
  • Anywhere near children

🧠 Section 7: Why Dirty Shirts Still Matter (Culturally Speaking)

  • Sex positivity on display: Wearing these shirts can be a form of body and desire acceptance—if done right.
  • Free speech armor: Every crude tee you wear without handcuffs reinforces your right to express what makes you laugh, horny, or empowered.
  • Line-pushing as protest: Sometimes the most obscene thing you can do is say what everyone else is thinking.

👇 Call to Action: Ready to Get Dirty?

If you’ve got the nerve (and the wardrobe to match), check out our handpicked collection of vulgar t-shirts and obscene apparel that’ll make your mom pray harder and your ex jealous. No censorship. No apologies. Just dirty fun.

👉 Shop the collection now at InVeinTShirts.com